Anglo-Norman language
Anglo-Norman Language, (full name: Anglo-Norman Johnson Manuel Jose Jean Petrov Languageson Language) better known as Jean Philippe Toussaint, Jim Bunks, Jay Rogger, Mike Fins, Clubby Pengs, Mickey M., Dave Optkins, Ali bin Ali bin Ali bin Ali bin Ali bin Zubulhazwaziz bin Altmukh bin Loser bin Kid bin Dingledoor bin James al-Shawarma, and most commonly Ben Footsack, was a colonial American vagrant, lifestyle coach, controversial podcast host, politician, self-declared Thirteenth Twelver Imam, and 'personalist loser' born in what is now Indiana. He was at his ugliest from 1899-1917, and lived from 1677-2044. Though becoming both uglier and more attractive over time, he never aged from when he was 23 years old. Since he died of assassination, it is assumed he was immortal and would never have naturally died.
| P.H.D Time's Ugliest Man Alive (1899, 1900, 1901, 1903, 1906, 1916, 1917) Anglo-Norman Language Chickler | |
|---|---|
 Actual picture, 2016 | |
| Native name | एंग्लो-नॉर्मन लैंगुगागागे |
| Baptised | 1679 |
| Died |
2044 America, USA |
| Cause of death | Assassination |
| Body discovered | In le sewer |
| Burial place |
Iran Dad's backyard |
| Monuments | The Great Man, statue in Angola |
| Alma mater | Chuck Johnson University |
| Occupation | Being the worst/best man in the world |
| Years active | Always |
| Known for |
Ruling the world (two months in 2033) |
Life
editProperty of the church
editLanguage was born sometime in March. He was born in the outskirts of the Thirteen Colonies in what would become Indiana as the son of a British peasant woman and an Indian fur trader. Both abandoned him after being greeted by a baby boy who was cold and blue. They assumed he would die, and, taking note from the Book of Exodus, placed him in a basket and sent him down the Mississippi River. Eventually, the basket floated to Saint-Domingue (later Haiti).
He was found by a priest, whose name was Rodney de Portauprince. He was a strictly religious man, and donated the newly-found baby to the church as a slave, who gladly took him in. He spent the early portion of his life cleaning out church gutters, toilets, pews, and altars. Eventually, during one of his forced bible readings, he declared that John the Baptist was his hero in life, and he would strive to be like him. John the Baptist would later become what Language declared the 'first hero', of which he had many.
John eventually became bored with his life. He got no satisfaction from his life as a church slave and believed that his life was going to end with no meaning. He also found the priests and bishops 'particularly scary' and always found himself closer to the 'voodoo people' and 'the boys'. As such, he raised up an army of fellow altar boys and organ blowers and workers in the field and organized the Great 1690 Haitian Slave Revolt, a precursor to the Haitian Revolution. Rodney de Portauprince was overthrown, and Language ran into the woods, where he lived in an escaped slave settlement.
Slave settlement
editLanguage's time in the settlement was very long and painful. Regularly, the inhabitants would have to scour the land just to survive, and wealthy land owners offered them no assistance even when the escaped slaves vowed to fight for them. As such, Language began to truly hate his life.
One day, in a state of delusion due to hunger, he was wandering through the woods when he found thirteen Poles. He immediately fell in love with one of them and got on his knees, calling out into the sky "IS THIS THE GIRL?" to which the sky turned orange and a voice told him "No. Not until you make the Migration. And to migrate, you must turn Hindu". The exchange did, in fact, turn Language Hindu, and he grabbed a boat to go to India in search of his love.
He was beached on the coast of Nigeria for fifteen days until a hairy man found him and nursed him back to health. There, he was told of Jog Shipper, who escorted him to India. By the age of fifteen, he had made it to India, and circumnavigated the entire subcontinent forty-five times. Unfortunately, he never found his love, and he called out to the voice again. When the sky turned orange this time, Language was told that she had been dissolved because Language did not come to India quick enough. The experience brought Language to tears, and he swore that he would be a better Hindu.
Running off for the Hindus, first meeting with Ali bin Ali
editLanguage searched for a guru to teach him the ways of Hinduism and yoga. Eventually, he came across a man named Iskander Karnaktaputra, a man famed for his studies of the Vedas. He was taken in to a monastery and donned the orange robes, but was eventually removed after breaking his chastity with a random woman that he believed to be the one who was revealed to him. Kicked out onto the street, he was completely lost, and did not come any closer to the new life he desired.
He ran north, hoping that he could salvage what he had left of himself, when he met a mysterious Iranian man named Ali bin Ali. He claimed to be the Rashidun Caliph Ali, who, according to the Shias, was the successor of Muhammad. bin Ali, however, was lying, and was simply a madman. Nonetheless, Language bowed down to him 45 times, once for each time he had circumnavigated India, and asked bin Ali to bring him to the true faith. bin Ali agreed, and started telling him to 'abstain from pork and shrimp, and never sip the wine. Bow to me, don't be a wimp, and you shall be fine.'
The quote was forever used by Language, who said it to his own followers later on. He spent a long time as Ali bin Ali's adopted son, and lived inside his adobe hut on the edge of the desert. Over time, he gained his trust and eventually recruited people into bin Ali's cult. Eventually, bin Ali declared himself a prophet, and everyone believed his every word.